Listed below are several key phrases which can be used to achieve your desired spiritual status, influence the amount of seekers that follow or admire you, or even to shake people up simply because you still have no idea what any of this silly spiritual babbling is all about.
KEY:
a) "advanced seeker" status (aka: wise) or Teacher status (aka: Awake / Enlightened)
b) "new seeker" status (aka: slightly ignorant) or spiritually adept (aka: gettin' there)
c) worldy soul (aka: spiritually inept / fast asleep)
Where is Truth found?
a) Truth Always IS. It is our searching that makes us believe something is lost.
b) I'm searching for my truth.
c) The Truth is lost? Shit. Did you check between the seat cushions?
Who am I?
a) I AM That.
b) I am a spiritual being having a human experience.
c) My name is Bob. I introduced myself to you five minutes ago. You aren't so wise, are you?
What is Love?
a) Love is the true nature of the Universe.
b) I love everyone. If you don't love freely, then you are not truly spiritual.
c) My ex-wife and I profoundly disagree on this subject.
What is Compassion?
a) Compassion is understanding the inherent suffering of mankind, as well as Knowing man's True Nature.
b) You are so awesome. You are perfect. Everything you do and say is perfect. Nothing is wrong. Life is such a wonderful dream and you can make no mistakes. I love you! I honor you! We are ONE!
c) Well, like that spiritual dude up there, I certainly don't like to see anyone suffer. I'm not sure that this obvious statement necessarily makes him more wise than me. Maybe just a bit more annoying in his assumed arrogance, but certainly not more wise. And, I bet he doesn't cringe when birds fight. I do. I don't like to watch birds fight.
What is the mind?
a) There is no mind. There are simply thoughts floating in Empty Awareness.
b) It is the creative force of the universe.
c) Somebody catch that guy! He's floating away in Empty Awareness!
What is Enlightenment?
a) There is no Enlightenment; there is no Liberation. Nothing is happening.
b) You are Already Enlightened.
c) Are we talking about lightbulbs ... or something else entirely?
Tune in next week for "helpful arguments and tactics" that can be used based on your desired status, as well. Happy Searching! (Remember: you can fake it til you make it. No one knows if you're full of it. Often, not even you!) 
